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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426580">A Simulacrum's Last Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiscake/pseuds/jiscake'>jiscake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Apex Legends (Video Games), Titanfall (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Gen, Graphic Description, Non-Canon Relationship, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love, both natalie and renee are younger than they are in apex (they're around 18-19), literally nothing about this is canon, no relation to apex legends except for the characters, nothing about this is canon tbh, set in the titanfall universe with the characters being pilots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:19:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiscake/pseuds/jiscake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle for the Frontier was never meant to be taken lightly, but neither of these Apex Predators has considered this. They thought they're best, on top of the world.<br/>It's troubling when their world crumbles down.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The chaotic sounds of battle have suppressed all thoughts inside Renee's mind. As an Apex Predator, her job was to slaughter all the Militia pilots she’s seen and she was in the middle of doing it. Or, at least trying to.</p><p>She could feel panic slowly creeping up into her brain. Thoughts were no longer hers and the control over her body flippantly slipped out of her hands. An overwhelming amount of Militia pilots showed up.<br/>
Renee has never seen so many.<br/>
When did the Militia get so strong?</p><p>Fucking ridiculous is what it was. Focusing only on the battle, from the corner of her eyes she saw a very familiar titan struggling. Natalie’s iconic Ronin was now on the ground, pushed down by a Militia. Renee, sitting in the cockpit of her Ion started shooting at the huge, unfamiliar robot in the hope of freeing her friend. Nothing seemed to work against it.</p><p>Desperate to save her friend, the older girl activated her titan’s Laser Core. A huge, flaming red laser shot out of the chest of the robot, directly hitting the enemy. The titan stumbled off Natalie and Renee hesitated no more. She dashed over and by punching straight into the cockpit, she forced it open. Grabbing the now helpless pilot, she mercilessly crushed them like they were nothing, but a toy.</p><p>Renee has jumped out of Ion’s cockpit to run over to her friend’s Ronin to see if she’s alright. The titan was still laying on the ground, barely functioning anymore. A crimson red fire has started around the main engine and it couldn’t be a good sign, Renee thought. Definitely not good.<br/>
It was risky. So many Stalkers and Reapers were fighting along their side, but it seemed to be nothing to the Militia. They have prepared for this battle, you gotta give ‘em credit for that. The older pilot quickly grappled an enemy Militia titan to gain some movement speed. Flying across the sky was Renee’s favorite thing ever but now, it just couldn’t make her feel any better.<br/>
Moreover, it made her feel worse somehow.</p><p>When she got to the almost dead Ronin, she quickly climbed up to the cockpit. The titan’s core wasn’t bright blue now, but dead black instead of it. Every little circuit seemed to be dead so Renee didn’t care about that part anymore. As soon as she got to the chest of the titan, she had to face it - the cockpit was dead empty.<br/>
Where was Natalie?<br/>
She didn’t see her ejecting nor leaving it of her own will. Meaning they ripped her out of there and probably threw her away like an empty bottle. Or worse, crushed her to death.</p><p>Pushing the panic into the back of her mind, Renee went looking around. It was dark and the soldiers’ only source of light happened to be the burning fires, the shiny cores of the titans, and the stars in the sky.<br/>
With shaky hands, she pressed a button into the small device mounted on her wrist. Suddenly, she felt the familiar rush of adrenaline flowing through her body. The stim never failed to put her into her place during these situations. She started running to Natalie’s possible positions. Parkouring between hacked Spectres and not-so-friendly Reapers, she suddenly felt a harsh grab on her ankle. Falling onto the ground, she saw a Militia pilot already half dead. Blood covered his face and it looked like he’s struggled with a deep cut on his stomach. Neither of these has stopped him from grabbing after his gun and point it at Renee.</p><p>The young pilot has reached after hers but it was already too late. The trigger has been pulled and she thought it was the end. She died in a battle on Typhon while trying to save her friend. But moments later, she opened her eyes she closed subconsciously. Her Ion was standing not too far from her, which suggested that her titan has ended the pilot’s life before he could end Renee’s.</p><p>“Go get the pilot,” the Ion instructed the pilot with a calm tone. Renee got back onto her feet in seconds and kept running while the stim lasted.<br/>
A couple of seconds later she saw a very familiar body laying on the ground. Rushing over to it, she kneeled.</p><p>Natalie was laying on the ground, half-consciously. Renee thought it was just because she got punched, hit, or shot so hard, that it happened to her. It was a childish thought and she knew it can’t be true. The girl would’ve gotten back up so quickly if this was the case.<br/>
But when she saw the huge open wound on the girl’s chest, everything made sense.<br/>
She had nothing to slow down the blood loss and she finally lost all control over her body. With trembling hands, she slowly caressed Natalie’s face.</p><p>“You’re gonna make it out alive, I promise you,” she said.<br/>
Was it worth it, lying now? They both knew there was no exit from here. What Natalie was struggling with looked like a deadly wound. Blood was everywhere, on their uniform, on the plants around them, on Renee’s hand as well.<br/>
Natalie let out a very weak chuckle while looking up at the sky. What was it that could’ve been comforting about it? She probably saw rockets, hovering titans, and grenades were thrown around. Kind of what her whole life was about, but Renee couldn’t look at her like this. He wanted Natalie’s last moments to be somewhat comforting so she put her fingers on the younger’s cheeks and slowly turned her gaze to hers.</p><p>“You know I won’t… and that’s okay,” letting out a shaky breath, she tried to sit up a bit, but it ended in a loud and painful groan. Renee quickly tried to support her weight but it was no use now. Natalie’s body fell back onto the ground, weak and helpless. “This is what I swore upon. That I’ll fight against the Militia, and if I die, then so be it,” she said while looking around.</p><p>She probably was looking for her titan. Renee knew her too well. Her Ronin was her best friend and there was no shame in this. After all, a titan could be a friend, even a soulmate. Renee often caught them in the middle of the night, sitting in the warehouse, just talking to each other. For others, it might’ve been ridiculous. But for a pilot, it was normal.</p><p>“I’ll bring you back somehow, I won’t let you die,” Renee said with a voice filled with unnerves. “You could be a simulacrum, like Ash-” she tried to continue it, but something lit up in Natalie’s eyes.</p><p>The familiar, warm blue eyes were now burning with crimson hatred. It scared the older girl because she’s never seen Natalie like this. Not even during training or a battle. Not even when Blisk told her that nothing can be saved from her titan’s remains. Never.<br/>
And it was frightening seeing her like this.</p><p>“Don’t you dare, Renee Blasey, I swear to god,” she tried to raise her voice, but she got interrupted. She started coughing up blood, all over her chest and Renee’s hand by accident. But it didn’t matter. A cold feeling ha spread in her body, but it didn’t matter now. What mattered was convincing Renee to let her die.</p><p>“Why not? You could stay alive, be able to think and talk, be an invincible pilot!” The harder she tried to get her to agree, the worse it got. Natalie felt genuine panic flow through her body as she thought about it.</p><p>“I don’t want to! Please, Renee,” tears were now running down her cheeks as she was saying her last words. The anger didn’t leave her voice, it only grew stronger. “let me die. Don’t bring me back as one of those things, please, I’m begging you!” The strength of her voice peaked.</p><p>Renee felt a weird feeling strike through her body and she couldn’t decide what it was. Probably a mix of anger, sadness, panic, and denial. She couldn’t believe this was happening and she got so lost in that moment that she couldn’t say a thing now. Her mind didn’t register the incoming missile towards their position. The only thing that saved her again, was her Ion. Activating the Vortex Shield, the missile soon changed directions.<br/>
Natalie, with the last of her energy, shook her head.</p><p>“Go, fight,” she tried telling Renee, but the girl was still just kneeling beside her. Now tears have stained her cheeks too and she didn’t even notice it. Everything was so overwhelming, happened so quickly it was insane. She was losing herself, only Natalie’s last words kept her on her feet. “Go, right now! Leave me here, save yourself,” she said while forcefully pushing the girl away.</p><p>This is what hit Renee. Fully realizing what was happening she jumped to her feet and ran away, without looking back. Forgetting to wipe down the tears, she forced herself to think about this battle and this battle only. Ordering her Ion to her feet, she jumped into the open cockpit to continue the fight.</p><p>Soon enough, the battle has ended. Renee took out all her anger at the Militia forces that came her way. Crushing and stomping on hopeless pilots and grunts, tearing down enemy titans, she did everything to try and ease her pain of losing a good friend. Nothing helped her, not even the weird but peaceful scenery after the battle.<br/>
He was sitting on the shoulder of her titan while looking at the bloody sunrise.<br/>
The ground below their feet was blood-stained, dead bodies and broken titans everywhere. She knew that one of the bodies is Natalie’s and this thought alone made her nauseous. It was sickening.</p><p>For a second, she closed her eyes, resting her head against the hard metal of Ion’s chassis. Silence hugged them around and Renee’s ears were ringing. For the past couple of hours, all she heard was gunfire, missiles, and explosions. Calmness felt weird now.<br/>
Soon enough, she heard the heavy footsteps of a titan.</p><p>Opening her eyes, a recognizable red titan appearing. The Legion was calmly walking towards the young pilot and when the distance between them wasn’t uncomfortable, the hatch opened up. Blisk stood up to look at Renee, still sitting on Ion’s shoulders.<br/>
There was a moment of silence between them, and Blisk started right after.</p><p>“You know this wasn’t our last battle against the Militia, right?” the girl nodded. Of course, he knew. The IMC had all the power in The Frontier, or at least she thought so. This battle has scared her. The Militia was indeed getting stronger and their pilots fought better. If they wanted control over The Frontier, they had to step up their game.</p><p>“I know. The IMC has to train better pilots. It wasn’t easy to win,” Renee looked up at the older male.<br/>
She thought about the recent battle and all she’s seen with her mind's eye was blurry. The whole thing felt like seconds but one scene stood out. Natalie’s death. </p><p>“I was here, kid, I know,” Blisk said while shaking his head. Stepping out of the titan’s cockpit he sat on Legion’s shoulder the same way Renee was sitting. “What happened to Natalie? I’ve lost her signal and couldn’t look after her,” he asked without any malice, but the realization hit Renee like a punch to the stomach. “K.I.A?”</p><p>Everyone amongst the Apex Predators has known that there was something special between the girls. All the pilots were older than them and developing a friendship seemed to be impossible, but Blisk knew it was important. Detaching a young girl from kids their age wasn’t healthy. This is why it was a relief when they found each other. They had someone to rely on, someone to talk to.<br/>
Now this bond they had was gone, and Renee was left here all alone.</p><p>“Yeah, I was there. She bled out somewhere there,” she pointed at a once green bush now stained with red blood. Unnoticed, she felt the familiar feeling creeping up in her stomach and chest, and soon her cheeks were stained with tears again. Her hands started slightly trembling so she had to clench them into a fist to stop it. She lowered her head to hide the shame she felt.<br/>
She hated feeling like this; she hated being weak.</p><p>“Can’t we bring her back?” Renee asked quietly, but her words cut through the silence that settled between them. “As a simulacrum. Like Ash and Revenant.” looking up at her commander.</p><p>She could see Blisk thinking about it, but then he just shook his head.</p><p>“No, can’t do that. It’s too risky, she’s already dead,” and with that, he stood up and jumped back into the cockpit.<br/>
Renee felt that she couldn’t just… leave her friend like here, like a dead animal. It wasn’t fucking fair. They had the chance to bring her back, the technology laid in front of their feet. The girl quickly stood up and jumped on Legion’s arm and looked at Blisk.</p><p>“Please. You know she’s one of the bests here. You’re not gonna find anyone like her, and we’re at war. We need her, you need her,” Renee pointed at the commander in front of her, now sitting in his titan, “it’s now or never.”</p><p>Something changed in Blisk’s expression. The IMC forbid the bringing back of pilots who were already dead but maybe they could make an exception now. They were the Apex Predators, after all. The best mercenary group in The Frontier, IMC’s first line of defense against the Militia.</p><p>Angrily closing the hatch, he lowered his Legion’s arm to make Renee simply slide off of it. She took the hint in time and just grappled onto her own titan. With a racing heart, she watched where Blisk went. At first, she thought he was just gonna leave. It would’ve been the right thing to do.<br/>
Renee wouldn’t have blamed him because it was crazy, what she was asking for. And kind of selfish, if we consider Natalie’s last words.</p><p>With hope in her eyes, she watched the red titan as he went looking around. There were too many dead bodies crushing under his feet, but it didn’t matter now. Grabbing one of the corpses, he gently held it in his hand. As gently as a titan could do it.</p><p>“Let’s go now,” Renee heard through the helmet radio.</p><p>It was a weird feeling in her stomach by hearing his words.<br/>
Happiness, relief, anxiety, guilt. All of these at the same time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Into the Void</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>With Natalie being dead, the role of being the newest lab rat is transferred to Renee. No one knows what waits for the younger girl in the mysterious Void, but nothing can hold her back.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a long time since that one day and nothing has changed ever since. The war was still going on but thank god, the IMC had some ideas to make it easier for them. They’ve recruited good riflemen and future pilots from exotic planets such as Solace or Psamathe. They never really bothered with these, their main goal was to take down the Militia. Everything else can come after that.</p><p>Renee nervously stepped into the cabin. The IMC recently started to test their interdimensional phase technology on real, flesh, and blood pilots and Renee happened to be one of their first subjects. Natalie would’ve been one of the very first ones but she wasn’t here anymore. This thought killed Renee on the inside but she just pushed it into the back of her mind. Guilt and grief have been eating her up but she wasn’t allowed to show it. Weakness among pilots was a trait to be despised. </p><p>She’s heard of the way the simulacrums do it but she was pretty sure that it was a whole different thing. Before going to today’s experiment, she talked with one of them. It didn’t help much with the anxiety she was struggling with, but it kind of helped. At least she knew what she was facing now.</p><p>A middle-aged woman stepped in front of her, signaling Renee to walk closer to her. She was already standing in the cabin, dressed up as a complete lab rat. It kind of felt stupid, but she chose to ignore it. The woman grabbed a simple-looking device and attached it to Renee’s lower arm. She was already opening her mouth to ask what she should do with it, but then the woman already grabbed another thing. It was the same device they use to complete neuro link connections to a titan. So it must’ve been somewhat similar.</p><p>“For the first few seconds, I’m gonna need you to focus really hard, alright, darlin’? We’re gonna establish a neuro link with our system and that’s connected to this device as well,” with a strong Scottish accent she said. For a couple of seconds, she looked at the little machine strongly attached to Renee’s arm. For some moments, silence settled between them.</p><p>The girl’s fear was so palpable, it was almost touchable in mid-air.</p><p>“Look, Renee, I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know where you’re gonna go in a couple of minutes. But I know one thing,” Dr. Somers calmly caressed the girl’s arm for a couple of seconds, “that no matter what, we’re gonna bring you back in one piece.” she addressed it towards her with a small smile on her lips. Renee nodded and driven by a sudden idea, she hugged Dr. Somers. The older woman laughed quietly but didn’t fail to reciprocate.</p><p>“Thank you, Dr. Somers,” she nodded but then let go of her. She didn’t want to waste time, she just wanted to be done already.</p><p>“It’s alright. Are you ready?” she asked with a serious look in her eyes and the girl nodded again in response. She took a step back into the chamber and watched as the glass door slowly closed in front of her. The chamber was pretty big and the whole of it was made from see-through glass. It was an experiment after all and observation was important.</p><p>“I’m ready,” Renee said and with that, she felt a familiar feeling rushing through his body. </p><p>
  <i>Do it for Natalie.</i>
</p><p>She closed her eyes as she tried to stand as still as she could. She saw the familiar green and red flashing lights, slowly melt into a light blue as seconds had passed. Soon, she heard Dr. Somers’s voice through the intercom.</p><p>“Neurolink established, prepare for opening the rift.”</p><p>And at that moment, it hit Renee’s mind. Subconsciously, she raised her arm and just thought about it. The rift. About how she imagined it, how all the simulacrums have talked about it. Just in seconds, it was there before her. A bigger, blue portal was standing in front of her.</p><p>She got so lost in it. It was beautiful.</p><p>Renee heard quiet voices coming from it but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Slowly raising her arm, she tried to touch the edge of the portal but she barely felt anything. Cold, it was really cold. That was all her brain registered. She knew this was the moment she’d get scared. But now she couldn’t back out anymore. Slowly taking a step forward, she entered it. Sounds of shouting and echoing voices hit her, and her head started hurting in an instant. She had to close her eyes for a few moments because it all felt like a fever dream. She was in the void between dimensions and Renee felt like she was gonna throw it all up. All the strength left her body and she fell to her knees.</p><p>Looking up, opening her eyes, she tried to register what she saw. So many copies of herself, all of them doing different things. Neither of them saw her kneeling on the ground, feeling so helpless and weak. Renee heard everything they were talking about, though they sounded like noises at this moment. It made her headache even worse. The world has started spinning around her and that’s when the cold finally hit her body. It was freezing in there. Her breaths got shorter and more panicked.</p><p>Felt like death.</p><p>“Let me out! Please, make it stop!” she cried out in agony, burying her head in the palms of her hands. She felt a nosebleed start and saw the light read drips fall onto whatever surface she was standing on at the moment. It was all too much, too overwhelming for her to bear at that moment. She just wanted to end it. She had no idea if anyone had heard her. Dr. Somers, all the other senior science pilots out there. The many copies of her in other dimensions. Were they also as fucked up as she was? Because it felt like it.</p><p>Being in the void and experiencing this has made her feel like she has lost her mind.</p><p>Thankfully, she didn’t need to scream more, because, in seconds, she felt the familiar warmth of the cabin again. Not only that but the warmth of a body as well. Dr. Somers was kneeling next to her, gently but tightly holding her body. In Renee’s mind, it registered as a near-death experience and she wasn’t gonna do it again if it was unnecessary. Exhausted and worn out, she was just lying there in the warm embrace of Dr. Somers. </p><p>“You did well, Renee. You did really good,” she whispered in her soothing voice, trying to calm the younger girl down who only curled up in her arms more. Soon, she noticed a red patch on her white uniform. Slowly raising her shaky hand to her nose, she realized it was blood. “You’re gonna be fine, I promise you”, Dr. Somers smiled at her, while cleaning her skin from the blood.</p><p>Renee has lost track of time after the experiment. It was difficult for her to tell what day, time, even year it was. Dr. Somers tried to tell it all to Blisk kindly - that was the keyword. He has opposed the practice of phase-shifting on human beings for these exact reasons. Blisk believed it could fuck up everything in your brain and there it was. No one listened to him and trouble happened.</p><p>Renee has been prohibited from fighting and training as well. No matter how hard she pleaded, no matter how bad she wanted to do it, they just locked her up. Almost everyone in the IMC knew about it and no one applauded her for what she did - because she was brave for willing to be a lab rat for their experiments. No one thought of her as a hero, everyone thought of her as a crazy lunatic who has lost her mind, and this hurt her deeply.</p><p>“Renee, how are you doing?” Dr. Somers’s voice was heard through the intercom and she looked up at the little speaker. She was sitting in a white room, almost like a cell. The bed underneath her was soft and allowed her to relax more or less. Nightmares have been haunting her ever since the experiment happened. She heard weird voices calling for her in her sleep, but they wouldn’t stop once she woke up. Renee constantly felt like someone was spying on her. All she wanted to do was to fight again, to see her Titan again. To do something, to get out of here.</p><p>“I feel awful, Dr. Somers,” her voice sounded broken and weak. She had no one to talk to and often, she just talked to himself to help ease the insane amount of anxiety she was facing. “I have no one to talk to. I have no one here and I’m going crazy,” she let out a small, stressful laugh. “Can I see my Titan at least, please?” it sounded like a dying man’s last wish from her lips. The older woman looked troubled with her request. She wanted her to be okay, it was awful seeing her like this. She was only a kid after all but rules were never meant to be broken.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Renee. I can’t let you out. Not until you feel better and pass the neuropsychological test. Then you can go back to fighting.”</p><p>This alone made Renee angry. It felt like an eternity here, like it’s never gonna fucking end. She was convinced the only thing that could help her was getting out of this prison.</p><p>“Please! Talk to General Marder, talk to Blisk, anyone.” she stood up from her bed as she said these words, looking up at the ceiling. She knew there was a camera somewhere hidden in this room, but couldn’t find it. A couple of seconds of silence settled, then she heard a small sigh through the intercom.</p><p>“I’ll try. Can’t promise anything,” said Dr. Somers, then left the intercom’s channel.</p><p>Renee sat back down onto his bed, letting her body sink into the soft mattress. She had nothing else to do than sleep but the thought already made her sickening. It was impossible to relax with all the voices inside of her head, mumbling nonsense. It was worthless, trying to find sense and logic in it because there wasn’t any. Hours later, when she woke up, nothing’s changed at all. It was the same fucking thing again. This thought sent panic through her whole body.</p><p>What if it’ll stay like this forever?</p><p>What if she won’t be freed from the voices?</p><p>What if she’ll die right here, in this white cell?</p><p>Suddenly, one of the walls lit up with white lights. Renee immediately stood up and walked over to it. She gently touched the screen built into the wall but nothing has happened. Suddenly, Dr. Somers’s voice was heard through the intercom again.</p><p>“I’ve talked to Blisk and General Marder. They said that we can’t let you out until you pass this test. I don’t think you’re ready, but trying can’t hurt anyone, right?” she let out a small sigh. Renee was trying to remember this test. She knew deep down that she already did it, but didn’t know when. How should she know how to do it if she doesn’t remember it? “You’ve done this many times. Every second month, to make sure you’re psychologically capable of being a pilot. This is why we’re doing it now. Are you ready?” Dr. Somers asked through the intercom.</p><p>She wasn’t ready, she knew that. But this felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity and Renee couldn’t just give up on it. Dr. Somers was waiting for the go-ahead, and she gave it to her.</p><p>“I’m ready,” she whispered and the screen suddenly changed.</p><p>A question popped up on the top and there were six little images below. The instruction said to pick the odd one out but they all looked the fucking same. Renee felt the familiar panic climbing up on her spine, getting to her brain. Tears were forming her eyes as she was trying to find a tiny difference between the images.<br/>Suddenly, a harsh wave of pain struck her head. She groaned as she pressed her palm to her temple to ease the pain.</p><p>“Pick the second one.” A voice spoke to her.</p><p>Renee froze in her place, her arm in the air.</p><p>It didn’t sound like Dr. Somers’s voice, definitely not. This was a female voice, kind of similar to hers. Almost the same as the incoherent mumblings in her head. Renee pressed her lips together and with shaky hands, she picked the second image. The screen in front of her lit up in green lights, meaning it was the right pick. All of this felt so surreal to her. She didn’t know what purpose the voices served up until now. They sounded like a million people talking at the same time, making absolutely no sense. This was the first time they’ve helped her. But why were they assisting her through this test?</p><p>The next question popped up and it was the same again. Everything looked way too similar to pick an odd one out. She was patiently waiting for the voice to say something again.</p><p>“Fifth one.”</p><p>And so she picked that one.<br/>Thirty minutes later the cell was opened. Dr. Somers walked into the small room and quickly hugged the girl. For long seconds, they were just embracing each other. It has been so long since Renee felt another human’s touch and she starved for it.</p><p>“I am so sorry I put you through this…” she whispered into her ears but Renee just laughed it off while a couple of tears escaped her eyes.</p><p>“Someone had to do it. For her,” she whispered.</p><p>This was everything that she could think about at that moment. That it was she who had to endure this living hell and not Natalie.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Familiar Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Renee is finally allowed to train again, but nothing's going well for her. After her training session ends in a heated argument with her mentor, a familiar face pays her a visit.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Many weeks have passed since they let out Renee and everything seemed to slowly return to normal. At first, she had her doubts about the voices. The constant murmuring was kind of distracting after all, but it all turned out to be good. Whoever it was inside her head had the great intention of helping Renee through everything she faced on the battlefield. They gave her constant warnings of her surroundings, an incoming missile, or titanfall, even. Once she mastered the art of taking the voices’ advice, she was unstoppable. </p><p>“Behind you”, the voices warned her as she grappled from a hostile Ronin into the air. She pulled out a gravity star and threw it towards the enemy pilot. It was too late for the opponent to run, so he just helplessly hovered in the air until Renee shot him in the chest. The metallic vest protected the pilot from being dead but by the rules of this training, he was considered dead.<br/>
The young girl lifted her helmet as she looked up to Blisk who was lazily sitting on the arm of his Legion.</p><p>“So? Will you deploy me again?” she asked the older male, impatiently. The past few weeks have been all about her proving Blisk that she’s worthy. She’s been doing basic and advanced training for weeks now and it was starting to get boring now.<br/>
The Apex Predator just took another puff of cigarette as he looked down on the young pilot then he just shook his head. </p><p>“I don’t think you’re ready yet. Your moves are absolutely uncoordinated and you’re like a mess. I have no idea how you manage to pull off these training exercises and stay alive. It’s ridiculous” he said with some disbelief in his voice. Renee used to be one of the very bests out there and Blisk knew something was off now.<br/>
She used to be different, something has happened for sure. Ever since she returned from the experiment, she changed.<br/>
“You’re not telling me something, are you?” he jumped off his Legion’s arm and made his way towards the pilot. </p><p>Renee felt a huge wave of emotions washing through her. The fact that Blisk - her mentor - thought she’s not ready after weeks of constantly proving herself, saddened the young pilot. Not to mention the anger, disappointment, and dispiritedness she felt. </p><p>“Come fight against me.” </p><p>The atmosphere shifted in a second. The usual, comforting feeling was gone and everything around them felt cold and rigid. Blisk’s seemed to be taken aback by the sudden command. As he opened his mouth to give his answer to Renee, the girl continued to talk. Raising her voice, the elder could feel all the built-up sadness, bitterness, and anger. “What is it that you always say?! If you don’t win together, you die together! I have lost my best friend in that battle that day and now everyone has forgotten about her like she never fucking existed!”<br/>
At this point, tears started streaming down on Renee’s face. She clenched her fingers into tight fists and she was visibly shaking. Breathing heavily, her chest was lifting up and down so fast, Blisk started to worry. The younger girl buried her face into her palms as she tried to calm down. She squatted down as hot tears kept soaking her cheeks. Silence settled between them for a couple of seconds, but then Renee continued. “Two goddamn months and everyone moved on. Well, I can’t fucking do that. Ever since that experiment, I hear voices in my head. They keep me up at night because they never shut up. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide is what they’ve been telling me for days now and I have no idea what the hell that means!” she groaned out loudly as she grabbed her black locks. “What do you expect from me?” she asked her mentor as she was now kneeling on the cold training ground. </p><p>Blisk has now seen that the one on the ground wasn’t a pilot anymore. He now saw the broken girl Renee has become over the past few weeks. For some weird reason, it awakened a weird emotion right in the middle of his chest. Pushing her to her absolute limits didn’t do any good in the long run. He now felt the weight of every decision, kill and death this girl had to face from such a young age.<br/>
Kneeling down to be on the same level as her, he grabbed her and pulled the younger into a tight, fatherly hug. </p><p>Renee was still shaken up as she lifted her shaky hands up to reciprocate the tight hug she got. Neither of them said anything until Blisk let go of Renee.<br/>
“Go to your room. Take a break, a long one while you’re at it, eh? You’ll know when I need you, Droz will inform you.”<br/>
The girl just nodded and stood up. Her Titan has witnessed this whole circus that just went down and she felt ashamed. She knew she shouldn’t have let her emotions control her but it was hard, damn near impossible.<br/>
All the pain she kept to herself bottled up over time until it was too much to carry alone. The voices never listened, they just kept talking. Natalie was gone, Blisk was impossible to talk to, Dr. Somers was always busy with some crazy experiment and she didn’t really have anyone else. This thought saddened her but instead of letting her mind sink into it, she quickly snapped out of it by speeding up her steps. </p><p>Quietly closing the door behind her, she leaned against it. Only now did she realize that her head hurt really bad and she felt dizzy. She could hear some of the voices murmuring incoherent sentences but she learned not to pay any attention to it. Looking around the room, she felt like it was much smaller now than usual. Trying to not think about it, she threw her helmet on the bed and laid down next to it. Closing her eyes, she tried to put up with the uncomfortable and pulsing pain between her temples. Suddenly, a call from the void disturbed her.<br/>
“It’s right behind you.”</p><p>No matter the headache, the girl stood up as quickly as she could. Her thighs were still shaking from the heavy training she received that day. Quickly running her eyes through the room was when she saw it.</p><p>A simulacrum was standing in her room, looking down at her. It didn’t seem to be moving but Renee could tell by the eyes; it was very much alive.<br/>
“Who are you?” the girl asked in a quiet and exhausted voice, only to receive a laugh from the robot. Frightening is what it was. No expressions, no actual eye contact, only metal, and cables. There was nothing human about it and that scared her, let alone the evil, almost devilish laugh that has left its vocal processor. </p><p>“You know very well who I am.” the simulacrum told her as it closed the distance between them. Renee could feel her stomach tightening as seconds passed by. The robot let the uncomfortable silence linger in the air. Almost as if it’s enjoyed it.</p><p>The young pilot could observe the simulacrum even though her brain couldn’t really put up with everything that was happening. Its body was a woman’s model, and the colors ash gray, orange, blue, and black dominated it. The top of her head was covered by a dark blue hoodie. Her eyes were as black as the night, without even the smallest light reflecting in it. It truly frightened Renee but there was nothing she could do.</p><p>Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. </p><p>“Please, Renee,” the simulacrum started imitating the voice of someone the pilot immediately recognized. “let me die.” she finished the sentence as she stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of them. </p><p>Renee felt as if the whole world was spinning with her and millions of mixed emotions fled through her mind. A tight knot in her throat stopped her from speaking or asking any questions. She felt confused, betrayed, scared, but most of all she felt an insane amount of guilt.<br/>
Now she faced the weight of her selfish wish that day. </p><p>“No… no, it can’t be you,” she whispered while taking a step back, trying to hide away from all the bad memories the simulacrum brought back with herself. </p><p>“Don’t bring me back as one of those things…” Natalie continued to walk towards Renee, cornering her. </p><p>The moment the girl tried to take another step back, her back hit the wall. The simulacrum leaned closer to her, so Renee closed her eyes and turned her head away. Not like it would change anything. </p><p>“Please, I’m begging you.” By the time the simulacrum finished the emotional torture, Renee was shaking with her whole body, and tears stained her face. She barely dared to breathe, let alone look Natalie in the eyes. </p><p>The simulacrum's hand tightly gripped Renee’s jaw as she turned her gaze to hers. For a couple of seconds, she didn’t dare to lift her eyes up from the floor, but she knew Natalie. She wasn’t gonna continue until she looked her in the eyes.<br/>
The moment their gaze met, Renee felt it all.<br/>
All the pain, sadness, rage, and anger she put Natalie through with some careless and selfish words.</p><p>“I was bleeding out on that battleground that day. I was begging you with the last of my breaths, laying there helplessly.” she leaned even closer to Renee, who just held her breath back while trying to keep eye contact. The tears haven’t stopped streaming down her face, the light of the room reflected in her watery eyes. “When I was twelve, a simulacrum hitman killed my parents. I was left alone to wander in the Outlands without anything. That’s when I heard about the IMC recruiting riflemen. It was my only chance to stay alive and I didn’t want to die out there, but what do you know about all of this...” she finished, whispering.</p><p>The familiar warmth of Natalie’s body was gone, the only thing remaining was the cold metal of the simulacrum body she got because of Renee. The guilt hiding in the back of her mind all came to the surface now and it made her lose her mind. </p><p>“You know, Nat, I had a feeling,” she quietly started, while swallowing her tears back. Her voice was weak and shaky, not loud or very intelligible either. “about you being an orphan.” The tears sitting on the waterline of her eyes made her vision blurry and hazy. “I knew it from the beginning because I am one too.” as she was talking, the simulacrum’s face didn’t change. The cold metal hands kept holding her chin firmly but the young pilot just gave in now. “This is why I took every chance to protect you. When you got here, you reminded me of myself so bad,” for a moment, she closed her eyes as she let out a painful sob “I wanted to be someone I wish I had by my side when I got here.” </p><p>Renee felt the simulacrum’s tight grip ease for a second. She didn’t know what she was hoping to get out of this situation. Forgiveness, probably, to get rid of the guilt pressing down on her chest, making breathing hard. </p><p>“I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it, this is why I did what I did.” Renee raised her chin while letting the back of her head hit the wall behind her. Her lips started slightly trembling as she was facing the simulacrum standing in front of her with the same, dead expression on her face. “I lost my goddamn mind that I couldn’t save you that one time when I had been ready to die for you every day.” the knot in her throat almost became unbearable as seconds passed. </p><p>Renee feared as this was everything she had to tell her. Everything else would’ve been useless. What, begging for forgiveness or mercy? That wasn’t Renee. That would’ve been the panic and despair talking and if these were her last moments, she didn’t want to be remembered by that. </p><p>“Then die for me, Renee,” Natalie’s robotic voice cut through the air like a knife. The pilot’s brain couldn’t register the words in time, the next thing she felt was something cold. Her mouth gaped in shock as the extremely cold feeling switched up to something warmer.<br/>
Soon, the pain hit her like a shockwave. </p><p>Looking down at her stomach, with a blurry vision she saw Natalie pulling out her metallic hand which was stained crimson with her own blood. With shock and disbelief written all over her face, she looked up at the simulacrum. Small droplets of blood painted the inexpressive face red.</p><p>
  <i>Beautiful.</i>
</p><p>The robot watched Renee sliding down the wall, leaving a wet, red trail on it. </p><p>“and suffer the same way I did.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was a RIDE !!!<br/>I'm so happy that I'm finally able to finish this story : ) (sorry for the heartbreaks, I also damn near cried while writing this)<br/>the only thing that's left is a short prologue, the MAIN STORY ENDS HERE. of course the prologue will make everything a bit more clear but 95% of the story is done.<br/>thank u for reading (if u choose not to read the prologue I'll post in a couple of days), I'm happy you joined the ride !!<br/>love,<br/>jiscake &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi !!<br/>so i'm back with a new fic : ) i hope i can actually finish this &lt;3 i wanted to write with girls cuz I don't usually do that, also strong female representation in video games? fuck yeah, I'm down for that<br/>I can imagine wraith and wattson as pilots and it makes me so happy, respawn make it canon &gt;:(<br/>anyways, thank you for reading, hope u enjoyed this fic &lt;3<br/>- jiscake</p></blockquote></div></div>
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